what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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