No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
