pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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