Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think people are normalizing furries
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
