it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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