Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
