I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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