halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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