At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
