Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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