Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
