Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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