I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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