so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
