i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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