I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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