If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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