Tell her she can't have a vagina
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
