Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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