he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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