Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
