I swear she didn't look like that last week.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
