I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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