I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize