So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
