Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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