Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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