my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
