dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
