Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
