Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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