I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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