Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
