dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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