she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
