wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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