2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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