Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
