Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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