White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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