every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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