Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize