So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
