They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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