Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
