Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
