this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
