respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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