she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
