yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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