i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
