And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
