Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
