You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
