shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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