I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
