life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
