If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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