we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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