...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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