She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
