I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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