I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
