i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
