i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize