bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
