Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
