we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
