Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
