FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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