i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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