Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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