Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
