I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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