Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
