when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
