I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
