D3 body, D1 cock
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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