Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
