you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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