I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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