every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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