some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
