I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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