you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
