Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
