It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
