I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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