it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
