So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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