I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
