Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
