I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize