the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
