Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
