We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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