When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
