I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
