How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
