If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
