Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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