i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
