You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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