He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
