Please, let me fuck your mom
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
