if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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