well I can't set my house on fire every night
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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