I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
